When Demand Exceeds Capacity: How to Deal with Feeling Overwhelmed

I recently went through a bout of intense overwhelm. It felt like my job responsibilities, the social events I’d agreed to lead, and preparing for my upcoming classes and future job recruiting were all converging on me at once. And it didn’t just feel this way, they really were—getting everything done and not letting everyone down wasn’t going to be possible. Simply put, the demands exceeded my capacity. Ironically, the overwhelming sensation and the internal pressure it evoked made it so I couldn’t think straight or fully concentrate, making it even harder to get through everything on my docket. When we’re in these states, we might start exhibiting some behaviors like dissociation, emotional outbursts, or become depressed, which may be our mind’s way of telling us that we’re reaching a critical point, and that we need to change course somehow. So what can we do?

First, we might try making a list of the things we must get done. Then we can ask ourselves: which activity is the most important to us? This is about what actually matters to us, not what we’re supposed to care about or anyone else’s opinion. We can usually feel which of our responsibilities is worth most to us, and then make a note to prioritize that. Next, what would happen if we don’t do a thing on the list? This one can be particularly hard, because it’s on the list in the first place because we feel strongly that we’re obligated to complete the task. But it’s a good way of getting a better grasp on how to weigh each of our responsibilities and may provide insight into whether or not we can drop something off the list.

Our friends and family can also be a great resource in these moments, but it’s helpful to first think about what sort of help will benefit us the most. Do we need someone to help soothe us emotionally and tell us that everything is going to be OK? Or do we need someone who can approach things logically, and help us map out a gameplan for getting everything done? If we’re really looking for emotional support and someone starts piling on solutions, we might actually end up more overwhelmed. If we want someone to help us organize our time and brainstorm paths to completion, then someone trying to calm us down may feel more frustrating than helpful.

In my case, I decided to drop a camping event that I had signed up to help lead. I hated doing it, because I felt that I was letting down the organizers, and I also truly enjoy camping and the outdoors. But it was the best option to get me back into a place where I felt that I could breathe again. With the time gained from not having to participate in that event, I felt much more capable of getting done with all the tasks in front of me. Not everything that overwhelms us in life can be solved or let go, but if we can identify things under our control and investigate their meaning to us, we can begin to find our way through.

Join us for episode eighteen of the Facing the Moment Podcast, Understanding Autism & Engaging Differently, where Toufic Hakim, PhD, and Sarah Bergenfield, MA, CAS, help define autism and discuss the ways in which autistic people connect with and regulate their responses to the world.