Forming connections in times of war

“Help is the sunny side of control. And we don’t want it to be that way. That’s why we’re here to listen to what you need.” -Foundation for SELF Leadership Executive Director Toufic Hakim

With these words, Toufic opened the first meeting with several Ukrainian therapists in 2022. A new space emerged in this moment where we could speak and be heard. There was room not only for those Parts affected by the war, but also for extreme protectors, who were listened to, recognized, and whose needs were taken into account. There was enough distance and space for every perspective and feeling to find its voice — this made the birth of the Ukrainian IFS community possible and started the movement. It was the first wave that moved the ocean.

It seems incredible that over the last four years, the Ukrainian IFS community has grown from a few interested therapists to hundreds of active participants. It is impossible to find anything good in war, so in the face of uncertainty and death, the confusion of some Parts became excessive, but the determination of others intensified. We were seeking those who speak the same language, the language of Parts and Self.

There was a shared, yet inexpressible, need to receive confirmation of the continuity of one’s existence, the need to be heard, to remain in contact with oneself and the world, to maintain one’s integrity in times of war when death stares you in the face. Many of our colleagues in the IFS community spanning many countries felt the same. They were with us, holding space, confirming the possibility that we would meet again next week. This is how the Ukrainian IFS community was born. Our spirit was shaped by the experience of these meetings, by community, and by mutual support. In other words, this new life for us is based not on a method, but on a way of being together with curiosity and respect for each other’s inner world.

We return again and again in our minds to the very beginning, where we received this gift, this trust. We want to reciprocate and offer support in light of Self leadership modeled for us. Thus, one of the key principles of the Ukrainian community has become the Self-presence, without the desire to quickly “fix” or “help.” Our goal is to create space in which experiences can unfold without haste, at the pace of trust. In the difficult conditions of war, it is this principle that we gratefully accepted from Toufic Hakim, Tom Holmes, Irina Diyankova, Jenny Tyson, Ann-Katrin Bockmann, Mary Kruger, Mariel Pastor, David Bird, Sage Phoenix, and many others. We are present for each other without pressure; this has become our foundation of trust.

Just as Self-energy requires minimal access to begin spreading, our initiative to connect, to support, and to listen has begun to grow. During Russia’s full-scale invasion, three peer-to-peer psychological support communities of Ukrainian therapists completed their 16 weeks of work under the engaged and caring guidance of Tom Holmes, Jenny Tyson, David Bird, and IFS therapists from around the world. We will always remember the bright and warm space of gratitude that inspires us to continue volunteering, which we have received from Susan Dubay, Mel Herff, Melissa Stevens, Sage Phoenix, Lorri Ballard, Matthias Hartmann, Meredith Richardson, and Vira Milogradova-Donchenko. Our participants have joined the meetings from trenches, bomb shelters, and new cities and countries where they were forced to move because of the war.

Over time, the “Ukrainian Relief” initiative grew into joint monthly meetings of all three communities, and then they became open to anyone who was drawn to us by Self’s leading quality — curiosity. Natalie Robelot-Timtchenko (First Aid of the Soul) shared with us her Zoom space, support and experience in organizing events. A visit by Tom Holmes to Ukraine in September, 2023, was another valuable inflection point. Together, the feeling of sincerity, life, and hope multiplied the power of growth within our cherished community. The four days Tom Holmes spent in Lviv (thanks to the organizational support of the Ukrainian Catholic University for the event “Healing for Those Who Heal”) enabled many of us to be there in person and online. Participants experienced a deep sense of connection, inspiration, and gentle healing of weary and disheartened parts.

We continue to be inspired by the fact that for almost four years now, our international colleagues have been continuously supporting Ukrainian specialists. Every 4th Monday of the month, we have a space where IFS specialists share their insights. Participants come with awareness and appreciation and help form a space of gratitude.

These people support the continuous growth of our professional community and bring their energy, experience, and knowledge: Tom Holmes, Jenny Tyson, Bonna Weiss, Sage Phoenix, David Bird, Ann-Katrin Bockmann, Alexandra Barbo, Cheryl Ades, Kristina Bombosh, Mary Petro, Samar Rame, Kasra Mirzaei, Catherine Anraku Hondorp, Iryna Arut, Mary Kruger, Catherine Glenn, Robin Barr, Daria Matkovska, Iryna Natalushko, Anastasiia Shyroka, Vera Milogradova-Donchenko, Yulia Demidova.

The growth and expansion of our community is not linear. For nearly two years, Ann-Katrin Bockmann and Cornelia Hess have led a group for psychologists and psychotherapists working with children. This space, held with warmth and love, made this project a particularly valuable experience of knowledge sharing. The group focused on supporting children without parental care who were displaced during the war, with the Small Wins Charitable Foundation providing essential care and support for these children. Also, three cohorts of specialists have already received training in the P.A.U.S.E. model with Sandy Barbo and the assistance of the Self-Leadership Collaborative. And colleagues interested in IFS somatic therapy had a special space to meet with Catherine Hondorf. In the Ukrainian-speaking “intervision” group, which has been meeting every two weeks since October 2023, you can safely speak the language of Parts. Today, we also have a circle of experiential meetings where we listen attentively to our internal systems in a joint meditation in a large group; afterwards there are small breakout groups in separate rooms.

The most significant initiative we have been able to implement—thanks to the IFS Institute—is the successful completion of the first level of training in Ukraine in 2025. The first cohort of program assistants was prepared with additional support from the international community, donations, training places in Spain, Jordan, Poland, and the United Kingdom and monthly meetings with Luis Vega, Mariel Pastor, and training with Michael Fidgerald. They assisted under the guidance of Iryna Natalushko in the first training, wisely and sincerely conducted by Mary Kruger. We greatly appreciate the gift brought to us by experienced program assistants Melanie McKamey, Ann-Katrin Bockmann, Cathrine Hondorp, Sue Atkins, Anna Shykalova-Reshetniak, Robin Barre, Sally Bubbers, and Yulia Demidova, who held space for us and supported those who were assisting for the first time.

The Ukrainian community also now has its first book translated into Ukrainian, Richard Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts. This is another important step toward deeper integration of IFS into our culture. Tom Holmes’s book, Parts Work, is also being prepared for publication. All these achievements were made possible thanks to the tireless support of the international community, the Foundation for Self-Leadership, and everyone who believed in the importance of this work.

We would like to thank everyone who joins our community at our Monday meetings, workshops, lectures, and mutual support sessions. We continue to move forward together toward developing internal and external connections, inspired by the help and support of the international IFS community. You can learn a little more about us on our website https://ifsui.org/.

Our philosophy of connection with the inner world, with other people, with the professional community, and with culture is transforming along with us. It is a path that continues to unfold through presence, mindfulness, and faith in the ability of people to return to themselves and others—even in the most difficult times.

P.S.: Discussing this chronicle together, we noticed that this story was written by our Parts, which, together with the Self, are in the living room of our community’s consciousness. With recognition and respect, we also saw other Parts of ourselves, which today are lovingly protected by defenders in bomb shelters as a great treasure. They are not forgotten or unhealed exiles—they are children born during wartime, who need to be cared for with special tenderness, confidence, and playfulness in a safe place. 

Editor’s note:
–  The Foundation launched the Ukrainian Relief Initiative in March 2022 and spent nine months assembling IFS volunteer practitioners, preparing them for engaging with Ukrainian therapists. Therapists in Ukraine, or displaced by the war, were invited to engage through a growing network of contacts.
–  Three communities (involving 15 Ukrainian therapists each—one volunteer moderator, three volunteer therapists, and a language interpreter) were formed and convened virtually weekly for 16 weeks each to provide peer support during challenging times of war. This was followed by several months of larger online gatherings, which led to a steady development of an IFS community in Ukraine and an in-person program in Lviv, self-funded and led by Tom Holmes, PhD.
–  The Foundation is honored to have been able to fund this effort and sponsor the IFS training of several Ukrainian therapists in advance of the first Level 1 for Ukrainian practitioners. Deep gratitude goes to all donors and all volunteers who made this initiative and its ensuing developments possible.

Contributing authors:
Maryna Lukashenko, PhD, is a lecturer at National Pirogov Memorial Medical University, Vinnytsya. She has completed IFS Level 1 training as well as training in the P.A.U.S.E. model.

Liliia Protsenko, MA, is a clinical psychologist and trauma therapist working in an integrative approach (EMDR, Brainspotting, Mindfulness). She has completed IFS Level 1 training and co-facilitates an IFS intervision group.

Vira Mylohradova-Donchenko, MA, is a psychologist and art therapist. She has completed IFS Level 1 training and is a co-organizer of P.A.U.S.E. training as well as a co-facilitator of an IFS intervision group.

Anastasiia Shyroka, PhD, is a lecturer at Ukrainian Catholic University. She has completed IFS Level 1 training and serves as a co-trainer in the P.A.U.S.E. model and other IFS educational projects.

Photographs by Maxim Golub, a member of the first cohort of psychologists.