Book excerpt: “Never, Not Ever”

This excerpt below is from my young adult contemporary novel, Never, Not Ever. On the surface, it’s a fun read about how 16-year-old Tilly, reeling from the loss of her grandma and disconnected from her workaholic mum, meets the dad she’s never known, then uncovers two generations of family secrets. If she’s brave enough to risk it, she might also find true love.

I embedded IFS into the story, so there’s also much more going on. After many years in psychology private practice, creating and teaching workshops and online courses and even writing an IFS self-help book (that I never published), I realized that it was beyond time to return to my true love: fiction writing.

“Here I was now, in this emergency session, after being ambushed by my mum and the dad I never knew, full of anger. At my mum. And maybe my dad. But mostly, at my mum.

 All those years ago Mum had thrown the words “He left” at me with no further explanation, no further discussion.

 Then yesterday, my dad had appeared and she’d just stood there nervously and awkwardly like none of this was her fault. But it was all her fault!

 Carlene guided me to close my eyes and connect with the angry part, encouraging me to be with it rather than be overwhelmed by it.

 Whoosh! After only a moment of attention, I felt that angry part collapse. It had been trying to keep my feelings locked in, to stop them from flooding me completely and sweeping me out into the deepest, watery depths with no way to return.

 But now, all the feelings came pouring out, wave after wave…And now I was terrified of what this all meant, and what might happen next.”

At first I thought I would write adult fiction, but my inner teen had other ideas. She hijacked all book ideas until I got to the one that featured her. She also made me watch the same teen rom-com multiple—like many, many, times—to get into the teen spirit. After that, my manager parts got on board. They could see how writing teen fiction made sense; it’s a potent time when we’re vulnerable and experiencing many firsts, including falling in love. It’s also a time when mental health issues commonly arise.

Then my strategic, business parts noted the market gap. Young adult fiction has helped de-stigmatize and normalize mental health issues, but most books have a tendency to present mental health issues as fixed aspects of the character’s personality. I sensed an opportunity!

I could show characters who weren’t defined by their mental health struggles and who were not simply dealing with, or managing, their symptoms. I could introduce young people to their inner world and to the concept of mental health healing—not through explicit teaching, but through story.

IFS and storytelling are great allies, as meeting with an exile serves as a story flashback. Every part has an interesting story to tell, and there is inherent narrative tension when attempting to understand how our well-meaning parts have both protected us and inhibited our growth.

The response to the book so far has been beyond what I could have imagined. Teens have become more interested in IFS after reading the book, and adults have reconnected with their inner teens with compassion and curiosity. Not surprisingly, writing this book was an act of self-healing for me. My study of IFS and grappling with the book’s storyline brought me home to myself; this process fostered spaciousness and helped me tap into my creative Self energy to write and heal with an open heart.

On the surface, Never, Not Ever is about a 16-year-old struggling with the sudden arrival of the dad she’s never known and her sudden feelings for the boy next door. But, in actuality, it’s about healing through adversity and opening our hearts up to love.

These are themes I wish I’d been exposed to when I was a teen. I engaged in this writing to remind myself and readers that our inner teens are here, and that we’re all in this together. Self energy is a both balm for the past and a source of inspiration for our future.